Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
