Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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