Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina just recognized that song.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
