oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
