He uses pillows to masturbate.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize