What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
