If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
