I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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