Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
