I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
