yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
