Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
