my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
