also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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