So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
