Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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