is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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