Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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