Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
