Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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