yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
