A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
