Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
being pregnant is like rehab
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
