one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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