Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
