I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
