you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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