Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
