hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
