Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
