Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize