There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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