Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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