Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
