you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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