once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
