i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
