At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
