I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
