this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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