Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
