Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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