It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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