"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He passed out mid-signature
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
