I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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