Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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