We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
