There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
