I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
