we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
