My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
thus making me awesome and them whores
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize