you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
