Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize