I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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