any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
