I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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