I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
