wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
