Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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