Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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