just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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