Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
