i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
