I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
