Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
