I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
